The Succubus and the Painting
Gim the Dwarf Priest of Suojus, as played by Isaac, has had so many war stories merely through acting the way his character would - always bringing the whole party into a massive overblown debacle.
He is a Chaotic Neutral Cleric from our original AD&D campaign - that we converted to our 5E Campaign - our longest running game (about 6 years or so called The Crusaders of Calin-Dor insert link to campaign description here).
It’s just the way Gim is - a wild, freedom loving, tyranny hating, egotistical and brash nutter.
The Crusaders were exploring The Castle of the Queen of Clowns. They wanted to find out more secrets of the mysterious organisation, the Court of Jesters, and the titular owner of the castle.
The castle was a whacky Funhouse Dungeon. For those not versed in the lingo, you can click here about the Funhouse Dungeon. They were navigating magic fire-colour portals, fighting maniacal gargoyles wearing jesters hats and awoke a room of furniture made entirely of mimics, whilst seeking the Queen of Clowns herself, a vampire witch lairing on a bed with mirror walls and a mirror ceiling.
Gim and co found a massive party in the middle of the castle - goblins, ogres, kobolds, gargoyles and dwarves were smoking and feasting in a great hall.
At the head of the party was a fat courtesan having her portrait painted by an expert. Gim decided it a good idea to interrupt these proceedings, strip naked, and have his portrait taken. The courtesan and her painter thought this marvellous idea, and said as much loudly and proudly!
So the painter started on Gim’s portrait.
The courtesan asked the painter if it might be a good idea that her and Gim kiss, to create an immortal painting, one that would reverberate through the ages!
Gim thought this a splendid idea and immediately agreed.
Of course the courtesan was simply jealous that Gim had stolen her limelight… so they kissed…
And the kiss of a succubus means DEATH…
Luckily naked Gim made his saving throw! He took a shitload of damage but survived the courtesan’s deadly smooch.
A huge battle ensued between the Crusaders and the Succubus with her army of creatures, with naked warfare, fireballs from a necklace flying here and there, charm magic from the succubus and of course the Crusaders running away and fighting like cowards by bottlenecking a tight corridor and chamber (every time they are logical with their tactics I call them cowards).
They were all close to death, being vastly outnumbered, and Gim had none of his gear. They locked themselves in a chamber and held out, blocking the door with anything they could grab, chests, planks of wood etc.
They had no plan.
Until Sam the Ranger drank a potion of True Polymorph. We rolled to see what it would turn him into… and it was an adult red dragon.
He burst from the chamber and breathed, covering the whole army in fire!
He chased the succubus and her elite guards around the castle, chomping and stomping on them one by one until they were all smoking piles of meat or churning in his stomach.
It was an epic battle, an epic moment that led to it and one brought about by the vanity of Gim, thanks to the brilliant roleplaying of Isaac.
I hope you enjoyed this RPG War Story!
Have you ever had a True Polymorph change a battle? Do you have stories where roleplaying a character’s vanity led to a full blown debacle!